Love and Sorrow
by ouatandmore
Summary: "Don't you know, emma? It's you." / CaptainSwan Angst or Romance oneshots
1. Broken Love

**A/N:**

Based on episode 5x3 when Killian told Emma, "I loved you." It literally broke my heart, so I decided to write how it felt in Emma's point of view./p  
 **Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time or any of the characters in it**

 **Broken Love**

"I loved you." He had said.

And for a second there she felt it. She felt her old self come back into her body. But it wasn't the same, strong Emma.

You would think that she would have the urge to run to her family and tell them that she made it, that she fought against the darkness even if it took over her completely. But she only wanted to curl up into a ball and cry.

 _"I loved you."_

Loved. Those three words felt like a slap on the face. She had lost the love of the man she loved with all her heart. He was her rock, and she needed him the most. But she lost him. Because she messes up every damn thing.

Again, she was alone. And she was angry at herself. Hell, she wasn't even _herself_ anymore. Although the old Emma had come back, she felt different. The old Emma had love, but now she had lost it.

It felt like her heart has been literally pulled out of her body when he said it. Those were the three words she feared the most. She was lonely for all her life and everyone had always left her. No one just settled for just _her_.

And God, she wanted so badly to just _feel_ it. She wanted to be back in Killian's arms and tell her that she needed him. She wanted to chase him and say she's back to her old self. She wanted him to say that he _did_ love her and she wanted to feel the words sink in.

But she didn't do any of that. She just stood there.

 _Because it had all only happened in a second._

 **If you guys are confused by the last part of the story, it means that the old Emma had only resurfaced in a second and all of the feelings rushed through her. But soon after, she had gone back to the Dark One. Please send in a review! At 2-3 reviews, I will be posting a new CaptainSwan angst one shot as another chapter. Thank you!**


	2. Please Don't Leave Me

**A/N:**

I honestly have no words for this. I don't know if it's because I kept rewatching the part where Emma had to leave Killian in the Underworld in season 5, or it's because I made the story even sadder. This story is still a goodbye part, just with a depressing ending and a lot of angst.

 **Disclamer:** I do not own Once Upon a Time or any of the characters in it.

 **Please Don't Leave Me**

 _ **"If you're afraid of losing your happy ending**_

 _ **that means you've found it. What is it?"**_

 _ **"Don't you know, Emma? It's you"**_

"I'm not going up with you. I never was." He says softly. I felt my hands start to shake. What was he talking about?

He looked up, "We're never going to find anything up there to save me." I walked slowly towards him, still shaking. "But… you said…" I started.

"It was the only way to get you to leave." Killian said with a still voice. No. No.

"I came all the way here to save you from the Underworld, and I intend to finish that mission." I said trying to talk in a calm tone. I tried pulling his arm but he refused.

"Emma." He whispered. "You have to go without me. You need to save your family."

I felt the anxiety rush through me as I tried to grasp his arms. "No." I protested. "No. No. No. I am not going to leave without you."

Killian gently let go of my grasp, "We both know this is the only way. You need to go and move on from me." His voice was in pain.

Hot tears started running down my face as they burned with sadness and anger. "Move on?" I shouted. "Did you not see what had happened earlier? You are my true love and you are the only one that I could ever have!"

I melted in despair as I continued to sob. I could feel Killian's gaze lay on me.

"I'm sorry." He says in the tiniest whisper. "But Emma can't you see? You're the Savior, and your friends and family need you. They need to get back to Storybrooke."

"And then what?" I said back, facing him again. "Everyone lives happily ever after except for me? Because that's how the Savior's job is, isn't it? I give people their happiness, just to give up mine." Didn't he understand? I needed him.

He knelt down beside me and laid a hand on me, "What about your parents? And Henry? You need to take care of them."

"I know but… I can't live without you." I said softly. Killian pulled me up and faced me.

He picked up my chin. "I'm sorry." He said for the last time and pushed me back to elevator and pulled up the bars.

I widened my eyes. No. No. "Please don't leave me, Killian." I cried. "Please."

He leant towards me and kissed my head. "I love you." He whispered. "Please move on and have a good life. Don't let the memory of me become a burden."

"No!" I shouted. "I love you!" But I started going up and that last thing I saw of him was his beautiful face.

Then it was silent. I knelt down in a corner and cried.

 _ **They were both each other's happy ending. But it didn't mean it would end up that way.**_

 **By the way, the bold italic parts are connected. It all resmbles in the story. Please send in a review! I would really appreciate it :)**


	3. Glances

**A/N:**

Just a little story I had in mind about what would happen if Emma and Killian broke up. Sorry if it's not too good or is super short, I just haven't been feeling well lately. But thank you to all of the wonderful reviews, favs, and follows! I really appreciate it. On to the story!

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time or any of the characters in it.**

 **Glances**

 _Glances._

Glances were the only thing they ever did ever since they seperated. She glanced at him. He glanced at her.

He would always glance at her, sometimes even stare. His eyes couldn't leave her. He missed her.

She would glance at him every once in a while, but would do nothing more than that to risk getting caught staring at him. At some times she would feel his gaze burning on her, and thought that maybe they still had a chance. But Emma, being Emma, pushed it back and ignored it.

At every glance or stare he would sneak, he would always admire all of her features and flaws. He noticed how Emma's hair would occasionally change into curls, a ponytail, or just simply straight down. Or how her body moves so gracefully, and he was just tempted to hug her and say sorry.

She was afraid to look at him, but the pull to at least glance to him was too strong. Everytime it would happen, she would have flashbacks. When she watched him eat across the room of Granny's, she would think of every meal they had together. When she would catch a moment when Killian would greet Henry, she would remember all the times they had both spent time with Henry as a family.

The more he glanced, the more he wanted to run to her and say that he's sorry. To say that he wanted back more than ever. To say that he missed her and that he's slowly breaking apart.

Everytime she would look at him she would want to be in his arms. The tension between them had grew, which made Emma feel lonelier than ever. He had made her feel like she was at home and he made her feel _loved._

But those were just glances, after all. _Nothing more._

 **I hope you enjoyed this oneshot! Please review and tell me if you want another angst oneshot or a comedy romance one. Thank you!**


	4. Gone

**A/N:**

Not really sure about this one... but I wanted to post it. But anyways, please tell me in the reviews about what you think!

 **Disclaimer: I don not own Once Upon a Time or any of the characters in it.**

 **Gone**

She was trying to hold it in so hard. Here she was, again at the beginning, starting off with loneliness. Every attempt to find true love would just crush into pieces.

And Killian. Killian was the one, and she knew it. Oh, he made her forget all of her worries, and he gave her all of his love.

So when she went to visit his grave, she was at the edge of breaking apart. Tears were streaming down her face, no longer trying to hold it in anymore.

"Swan." A familiar voice said.

Emma froze. It was Killian. She turned around so quickly she almost fell and ran towards him.

It was really him. He's here, standing, alive. His smile was radiant as Emma crashed into him and hugged him.

There, she felt the embrace she was longing for and took in his scent. She kissed every inch of his face, wanting to never lose him again.

Of course she had a million questions in her head, but the most bizarre one kept popping up. How did he come back from the dead?

But she didn't ask him, she wanted to appreciate their reunion with love, not questions.

He laughed at her reaction, and kissed the top of her head.

"Told you I can survive anything." He said with a wink.

I laughed in reply and cried joyful tears. He rubbed circles on my back, soothing me.

I buried my face into his neck and murmured, "I love you. Please don't ever leave me again."

She waited for a response, but got no reply. Confused, she looked up but jumped in surprised.

He was gone.

Her body went into shock, and she stood here there stiff and frozen. Then she turned her head towards all ways trying to look for him, desperate to find him.

After coming to realization she fell to her knees.

It was only an imagination.

 **Please send in a review! I would really want to know your opinions and how I can improve.**


	5. Lost Love: Chapter 1

**A/N:**

I will be posting this story on my "Love and Sorrow" angst collection and a seperate story. If you would like to check out my other angst Captain Swan stories, look for my story "Love and Sorrow". Anyways, I might make this into a two-shot (where the next chapter will be a continuation of the story with a happy ending) if I reach 5-10 reviews. So please remember to review this story after you have read it! On to the story.

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time or any of the characters in it.**

 **Lost Love**

 _"So when I win your heart, Emma. And I will win it._

 _It will not be because of any trickery. It will be because_

 _you want me."_

They were a happy family, and he knew it. They didn't have to even _try_ to show it, they already did. They could be walking down the streets with Neal on the left, Emma on the right, and Henry in the middle, holding hands together. Or the pair would drop Henry to school together and share a kiss before they departed for work.

Hook had given Neal a chance with Emma, and Neal was using it quite well. But that didn't mean that Hook would give up on her. He had given them some space for now, for the sake of the boy and Emma.

So when he saw them living his dream, he just stood there. He did nothing. Because he knew that Emma would come back for him, and their two hearts will collide.

It was their one year anniversary, and Hook saw them walk into a fancy restaurant together looking radiant. It had put more holes in his heart, knowing that they had become closer, and Hook had not expected it.

But he pushed all the heartache aside, despite the fact that the girl of his dreams was with another man. He told himself, _Patience. Your love for her is strong. She will return the feelings for you someday._

And again he did nothing. He walked away, knowing that there was still hope. Hope that she will want him, someday.

000

It was Henry's birthday and Emma had invited all of her close friends and family to celebrate over Granny's. Emma and Hook had grew closer, just as Hook had wanted. It filled him with more hope.

He got Henry a piece from his land, one of his treasures from his time in the Enchanted Forest. Hook knew that Henry loved knowing the magic of the past, and would be fascinated when he would get a piece of it.

And as Hook had predicted, the overjoyed look on Henry's face showed that he loved it. Of course, he was confused on what it was at first, but after much explaining he finally got it. Emma mouthed a thank you him right after.

When it was time to sing "Happy Birthday", we watched Neal and Emma gather around Henry and the cake. They both looked down lovingly at their son as Henry happily blew out his candles on the cake.

There, Hook felt a pang of jealousy. Not because he was being selfish and wanted Emma for himself, but because he realized wanted a family.

He wanted a loving wife and a daughter or son to watch over. Hook was very close to Henry and thought of him as his son. That should be me, he thought to himself as he watched the happy family. But deep down he knew that he was just a vile pirate because of his previous evil doings, and no good deeds could redeem him. And because of that, he knew that Emma would never go for a person like that, and started to lose hope.

000

Hook still grasped on to the little faith he still had for the two of them. It was a few months later after Henry's birthday where he heard a knock on the door of his chamber late at night.

Wondering who it was, he opened it, only to find Emma standing outside with eyes red and mascara stains running down her cheeks. As if it were a reflex, Hook automatically embraced her and brought her to something to sit on.

After some time of comforting and soothing her, he let her vent all of her anger and sadness away. It was a long night, but Hook did not feel tired nor complained. He cares for her deeply and it broke his heart to see her crying.

Although she was a mess, Hook that thought she looked beautiful. No matter if she had red eyes from crying, or makeup smudged all over her face, he admired her. He had always.

She had been crying because of a fight Neal and Emma had. When Hook had heard that Neal was the one breaking her heart he went through a rush of emotions.

His first intention was to go straight to Neal and give him a piece of his mind, but quickly pushed that thought aside and reminded himself that he was trying to be a better man. It was quickly followed with the urge to tell Emma how he felt about her, instead.

But he didn't. He didn't know why, something inside had stopped him.

So it had only been a night of venting, comforting, and crying, and by morning she left and thanked him for letting her get all of her anger out even if she was a mess.

The next day Emma had let Hook know that they had made up from the fight before. He put on a smile and told her that he was glad that they figured things out. The smile didn't reach up to his eyes.

He finally knew why he couldn't tell Emma his feelings the night she came. He was scared. Scared of her not returning the feelings and being lonely forever. Because he knew Emma was the one. But did she feel the same way about him?

000

He never expected them to do this. Until the card came.

"You're invited to Emma and Neal's wedding day!"

Emma was once again standing outside his vessel, but this time to deliver an invitation.

"You're.. you're getting married?" He choked out, practically a whisper. He didn't even know they were engaged.

Emma's eyes grew sad. She and Hook had gotten closer and she knew that Hook had feelings for her. It had never changed since Neverland.

Her feelings got jumbled up ever since the night Hook had comforted her because of her fight with Neal. She saw that he was a sweet man and fell for him.

She was confused, but being Emma, she blocked all of her feelings for Hook away. Emma told herself that she loved Neal, and he was Henry's biological father, and if they really made it work then they would be a perfect happy family.

So when she saw Hook clearly breaking inside her jumbled feelings turned into a tight knot. She didn't know what to do. And once again, she tried so hard to push all of what she felt for him.

Emma took a deep breath and put on her practiced smile, "Yeah. Amazing, right?"

Hook looked down. It was it. He had fully lost her. "Yeah." He breathed out. "Amazing."

"Um, I'll hope to see you there." She whispered. "Bye." And she turned to walk off the deck.

"Wait! No, it's not amazing." Hook said in a still voice. Emma's eyes closed shut, knowing what was going to come out of his mouth next. She turned around slowly, and opened her eyes, but did not make eye contact with him.

His expression was sad and he stood there looking like a boy who had lost something important and continued,

"Not for me, anyway. I don't want you to get married, and I know that sounds terribly selfish, but I'm not saying that Neal doesn't deserve you, he does, and he is such a good man. I just have had feelings for you ever since I met you, and I knew that you could change my life, in a good way. But then I saw that you were confused and the boy needed some time with his father, so I gave Neal a chance with you. So, I waited. I've waited every single bloody day for you. Because I had hope. Hope for us. Hope that you could actually be with a guy like me. You strike me every time you move or when your scent reaches up to me like the heavens have sent an angel down that I don't deserve. But I fell for you. I'm in love with you."

They were both in tears, but it was quiet. They were both struck in silence.

"Please don't do this to me before my wedding." She whispered with eyes red. Then she walked away.

They were both far away from each other when she had said it. But Hook had heard it perfectly.

He dropped to his knees and let the silent tears fall.

Emma had started running from her walk from the deck. But she didn't want to leave, she wanted to be closer to him. She hid behind a building, getting a clear view of him and saw him on his knees just staring out into the sky as if he were somewhere else. She saw a tear. She saw another.

She didn't understand why she said that. It broke her to say it as much as it broke him. The reason couldn't be put into words.

Maybe it was because she wanted to protect her relationship with Neal. It was too complicated. She wanted to be with Neal and have a good life but at the same time she wanted to run away with Hook and be in his arms.

Her closed her eyes shut and cried until it felt like she had ran out of tears.

 _Two broken halves couldn't find their way back to each other._

 **Yes, yes, I know it's _another_ angst story with no happy ending. But as I said before, I am considering writing a happy ending and making it a two-shot if I reach 5-10 reviews. So please, please review! Thank you for reading :)**


	6. Lost Love: Chapter 2

**A/N:**

Please read this before continuining! : So, the last time I watched S2 or S3 (somewhere when Hook first met Emma and arrived to Storybrooke) was last year and I only have a vague memory from it. And I think that at that time no one could escape Storybrooke because of the border, so I'm not exactly sure if a magic bean could work at that time. But since I used it in this story, just assume that it would work. Anyways, enough babbling, on to the story!

(But don't forget to review and favorite! ;)

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time, or any of the characters in it. I only own the plot.**

 _Ding. Dong._

The echo of the wedding bells reached all the way to the edge of the deck where Hook was standing, clutching on to a magic bean that he had managed to find in his hidden deck.

The bean was from a mysterious trader decades ago (before Hook had reached Neverland) during one of Ho

ok's voyages. What he had traded for the bean, he did not remember. It must have been a valuable piece to give, because a magic bean was very hard to acquire. He had kept the bean ever since, waiting for the perfect moment to use it.

Now he was standing here ready to use it, for a reason that his past self would not expect. He was using it because of a _woman._ A woman who he had feelings for that could not be put into words. The thing was, she was getting _married._

They had recently had an encounter on a very _touchy_ subject. Hook had confessed all his feelings to her and begged her to not get married. Yes, he had felt terribly selfish and guilty and he didn't know what had gone over him.

Emma, on the other hand (the woman he was in love with) had her feelings in a knot, for she had also fell for Hook while still loving Neal. But she hated complication, and decided to take the route where things would might go smoothly— to marry Neal and have her son get his two parents together.

The ending was rough, and it had led to this. Hook was ready to go back into the Enchanted Forest and forget about his dramatic "love life" in Storybrooke. He decided to just think of this as one of his many voyages.

As he stepped up onto the steps leading to his vessel, he heard a clank. His brows furrowed in confusion and he stopped to turn around and listen.

Several more clanks were followed after that, the noise getting louder by each clank. Hook soon realized that it was _footsteps._ And it was coming towards him.

There were hardly any people coming towards the docks, one of the reasons why Hook spent most of his time there. Fishermen stopped coming after the curse broke, and the boats were abandoned, so it had come to a surprise to him to be hearing footsteps.

Hook turned back around and shook it off. Maybe an old fisherman wanted to visit.

He walked across his ship and faced the ocean which had a glint of sparkle from the reflection of the sun. Ready to throw the bean, Hook threw up his hand and pictured the Enchanted Forest in his mind.

And just as it dropped out of his hand and let the bean sink into the water, a voice shouted, "Killian!"

Hook jumped up in surprise, which caused him to disconnect with the image in his mind, making the magic bean no use. The magic bean was now deep under the ocean, ruining his only chance to escape.

"Bloody hell!" He shouted as he turned around to see who had caused this. "What in the whole _bloody_ world was so important that you had to just interrup—"

"Emma?"

Emma was facing him, sweaty and tired, but still beautiful. She was in her wedding dress, heels, veil, face full of makeup, everything.

The distance between them was like their last encounter, far away, yet so close. Hook was confused, "What are you doing? Shouldn't you be at your… wedding?"

Emma walked up to him so that she was standing on the ship, too. She looked down and fiddled with her fingers. "I'm confused." She whispered. "I care about you, Killian and that one is for sure."

She finally looked up at him and sighed, "I have always cared about you, I was just afraid of giving in."

"I'm just so vulnerable right now that I didn't know what to do. I was so out of place, but thankfully I didn't run out on him. We had a long talk and I explained my feelings to him. Oh, I felt so _guilty_ but—" She now had tears brimming her eyes and Hook pulled her into a hug.

"We sure have a hell of a cliché story." Hook muttered in her ear and Emma pulled back and gave him a small smile.

"We sure do." She said. "But I'm willing to continue our story, and see what grows."

He pulled her in close and muttered, "That's all I ever wanted." And closed the space between.

 **This two-shot was incredibly hard to write (moostly on the dialogue) because I don't think Emma and Killian had ever had a serious conversation about their feelings** ** _before_** **they were in a relationship. It was mostly based on witty comebacks or side comments,** ** _which_** **I will be making a funny one-shot to, because I need to take a break from angst and move to humor. Please review!**


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